Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Baltiless Field Trip #1, Part II

After passing "STOP HERE FUCKER", we quickly realized we were out of our depth. We followed a trail of abandoned shoes (multiple pairs), snack wrappers, liquor bottles and other assorted detritus until all of a sudden, we realized: we were in somebody's house!

The living room. Note the bike against the far wall.

The bedroom. We agreed that there was pretty much nothing in the world that could induce us to go open one of those coolers.

Yep, there was a lot of stuff under there.

Needless to say, the stench of urine was enough to make your eyes water. While we had no idea where the denizens were, we were glad that they weren't there. What with the cornucopia of purses, bikes, and possibly most sinister of all, empty shoes, we had a very bad feeling about them.

Carroll Park is just as great for cycling as advertised! Unfortunately, it looks like someone accidentally left his or her bike behind in the flood zone.

Eventually, we reached the definitive end of the path. Why definitive? Well, the asphalt had broken off and fallen down the slope into the stream, dragging the handrail with it. This seemed as good a time as any to turn around.

We put a little spring into our step as we made our way back to the trail head, and with good reason- it was getting on towards 1pm, a little closer to dusk than we really wanted to be there. When we emerged back into the sunshine, we noticed pieces of paper stuck to walls and posts and even scattered on the ground. We approached to take a closer look. What a pleasant surprise. Some generous soul had taken it into his (or her!) heart to share his (or her!) porn collection with everyone. The donor had been thorough too. The area was saturated. Appropriately, even the lovely sign with the colorful map and richly illustrated history of the park was obscured by a layer of porn. It was time to leave.

Who doesn't love a little bit of AZN PR0N?

We made it back to the car, shocked and awed. The thing is, as gristly as it was, this wouldn't have been so out of the norm for Charm City... except this was a park. A park with its own web page. A park featuring professional graphic design skillz on the map and "history of" sign at the entrance. I've never seen anything less like a park in my life.. but they even advertise this thing! Apparently, this is standard operating mode here in The Greatest City. Relentless boosterism with zero connection to reality in the face of utter devastation. At that point, the pathos becomes a little bit hilarious too.

Want to go?
Carroll Park
1500 Washington Blvd.
Baltimore, MD 21230-1727


Matt said...

That azn prawn totally wasn't safe for work. Now I'm jobless and will have to fight the current tenant for the right to live in that park.

You mean guy.

Meep said...

That stream pic is really amazing. The amount of pollution and erosion that has taken place is typical of what happens when urban streams are deprived of buffer zones. Maybe the people of Baltimore should educationalize themselves.