Sunday, August 24, 2008

Overheard in Baltiless

So, uh, you got any plans for, like, a month from now?

How do you measure the spirit of a city? What metric is there that can record the collective temperament and mood? To my knowledge, there is none better than overheard conversations. Especially in Baltiless, the insight these afford into the human condition.. and hygiene.. is both profound and uncanny.

These four vignettes reveal more about life in Baltiless than any statistic.

Three women meandered across a busy street together. The ear-splitting volume coupled with the rapid-fire pace of the conversation made it nearly impossible to understand, but that may have been for the best. One of the women, prepared to make her point. Three feet from the median, she stopped dead in her tracks for emphasis and shouted "Sometime big girls, they don't know how to wash they pussy! And that shit get naaaaaaasty!"

The bus driver stubbed out his cigarette and headed towards the bus to begin his route. People started to stand up and amble over but one of the passengers-to-be, an antsy, excitable, be-ponytailed man, lunged right to the door, pushed the driver aside, and managed to be first onto the bus. The driver muttered "You're so excited, maybe I oughta just let you drive." Shouting over his shoulder as he raced to the back of the bus, the man answered "I WOULD, except they took away my license!"

Little girls, they grow up so fast! From a conversation about parenting: "My daughter, she wanna get nails longer'n mine, and i says 'you don't even wipe your cootie right half the time, what you want nails for?' Know what I'm sayin'?"

Driving through a neighborhood one night, I found myself in the midst of the very definition of hootin' and hollerin' and carryin' on. A young lady of the night pranced back in forth in the street, blowing kisses to and shaking her thang at every man she passed. The people sitting on their stoops were all yelling at her, and she just smiled and waved right back. I sat at a traffic light, watching, and finally I understood what they were shouting. "Hey pretty lady! Hey pretty lady!" A tiny gray-haired old woman elaborated, hollering "Hey pretty lady! I want you to come over here but I ain't got no money!" before collapsing in laughter.

1 comment:

mr. knowitall said...

I'm SO there dude! Now if I can only find a date...