Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Today's Baltilesson: when driving through Baltiless, invest in AAA.

In a bid to find employment outside the drug trade, I work outside of Baltiless. I drive a lot. From Baltiless to Washington, D.C. and then on to the teeming orchards and fecund meadows of Northern Virginia. Of course, everything is teeming and fecund when you're no longer in an area 'Prone to Dense Smoke'.

But the curious thing is just how often cars are abandoned between the two cities.

Not just broken down mind you, but outright abandoned. No emergency flashers, no bystanders, no tow-trucks, no police cars. It'd be unfair to only notice the misfortune that some travelers have to break down on an major highway - but why abandoned, why Baltiless? This only happens within a 15 mile radius of the city. Considering the high cost and 'expert' car inspection that Maryland demands, I'm surprised any cars break down at all. Are these all joy-riders too lazy to return their catch or strung-out meth-heads too busy to get the car removed? Inquiring minds want to know.

Rarely do I see a car within the Beltway broken down so and I can't remember the last time I've seen such a spectacle in Virginia. So we'll play a little game. Every broken down car between the Beltway and any destination in Baltiless is +1 points. Every car within the Beltway is +0, but it'll still be listed. Every car in Virginia will be -1 points. Can Baltiless win more points than it has murders? This coming year will tell us.

It's a bit of a headstart, but we'll begin with this last week:

Total cars in the Baltiless 'Metro': 8 (6 in one night!)
Total cars within the Beltway: 1
Total cars in Virginia: 0

Actually, even a city like Baltiless is unlikely to repeat the performance of a few weeks ago. It may not be fair, but damn it, I came up with the idea, I'll bend the rules how I want. There were three broken down cars in the exit ramp of I-83 (the one for 28th St to be specific). That really should count double. But we'll just add it to this week's total.

So the grand total is:

8 + 3 = 11!

Congratulations Baltiless!

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